Everything inside Timothy felt dead. Numb. His wife had passed away. And the grief was more than he could bear. For 21 years, Timothy had struggled with a drug addiction. But still ... he’d held down a job. Married his wife. They took meth together but somehow managed to build a life.
But after her death, Timothy’s addiction spiraled out of control. He had nothing left. Only the drugs ... his solace, his savior. He knew eventually it would kill him too. But it felt like there was no way out ... “Addiction’s like a dream. When you’re going through it, it’s great and beautiful at the beginning,” Timothy says. “And then it just becomes an ever-waking nightmare.” And during those euphoric, drug-induced moments, Timothy’s pain disappeared. But he always woke up from the nightmare to the heavy weight of his sadness.
“Heroin started taking over my whole life. I was doing everything just to get high so I wouldn’t have to feel anything anymore,” Timothy says, in tears. That’s when Timothy hit rock bottom. He knew he needed help. Or the deep, overwhelming grief would crush him ...
Choosing the wrong path
Timothy, a son of missionary parents, spent most of his childhood abroad. His family moved around a lot. And it wasn’t always easy making new friends. Or fitting in. When Timothy came back to the states at 17, he began experimenting with drinking, then smoking marijuana. He knew he was on the wrong path, but sometimes it was just easier. “I made more friends this way,” he explains. “Then once you start getting into the addiction, the addiction starts taking over … and you run out of choices.”
As Timothy’s drug use increased, he spent a season bouncing around: sleeping in his car, at the park, on friend’s couches. In the midst of it all, Timothy still showed up at church. “I’ve always loved God. When I got high, I still prayed. I went to church,” he said. “But I knew I wasn’t doing what Christ wanted me to do.”
But then, his wife died. And Timothy‘s drug addiction took a turn for the worst. He questioned everything, especially God: “If you took her away, somebody so innocent, how can you be a loving God?” he asked. “That was my lowest point,” Timothy remembers. “I completely turned my back on God."
He found hope at the Mission
Timothy needed to get away from anything that brought up memories of his wife. He needed a fresh start. He stayed at some friends’ house for a while, but his friends didn’t appreciate him detoxing on their couch. So they packed him up and dropped him off at the front door of Seattle’s Union Gospel Mission.
Timothy had nowhere else to go. Nothing else to live for. That day, he enrolled in the Men’s Recovery Program. It was his only hope ...
Today, Timothy knows he’s been brought back to life. Through the Mission, he’s digging deeper into God’s Word and walking in community with brothers in Christ. He’s learned how to trust God with difficult feelings and how to process his pain and grief. “I know God has a plan for me,” he says.
“God started a good work in me, and He’s going to continue that good work,” Timothy says. “I’m back where I should be, back in His loving grace.”