Loneliness and frustration

Before losing his mom, Mike says he had a relationship with God, “but after that, I totally lost interest in Him. You know, I blamed Him for her death, and I ended up going back out, and it was a long three and a half, four years.”

Mike’s struggles began with alcohol, but he soon turned to drugs as well. “And that first hit, I knew it was going to be a road to travel, and it was,” he recalls. “I regretted that first hit for that three and a half years because ... I had all the resources, I had everything I needed to stay clean, but I chose to go the other way, and blamed God for the way I went.”

Though Mike shared a house with his cousins, the environment wasn’t healthy for him. “It was toxic, very toxic,” he says. “A lot of nights I would sleep in my vehicle to get away from the house ... I guess I could say I was homeless, because I didn't want to be there.”

Mike’s life spiraled into hopelessness and isolation. “It was a lot of loneliness, it was a lot of frustration, I didn't want to see people because of the way I think I looked,” he remembers. “I tried to get clean by myself, by going back to [AA] meetings, but I felt like I had ... let down a lot of people.”

Two of the people Mike felt he’d let down were his sons. “All the broken promises to them that I had, and just ... it was sick,” he says.

Driving force

Having been to the Mission before, Mike says he decided to come back “because I'd done it once before. I knew that it was a good place for me to get back to get a foundation. When I came back, I started getting to know God again.”

Mike left briefly, but was encouraged to return by his oldest son’s mom. “She says, ‘You know what, Mike? You’ve done this before. If you don’t do it again, you’ll never see Michael,’” he recalls. “I made that decision to come back, because those were the hardest words I could ever hear.”

Mike returned to the Mission. While here, he came to the realization that alcoholism, not God, had taken his mom from him. “I had to accept that,” he says. “I came back to get to know God more, and a better understanding, and just get right with myself, with God, and the people around me.”

Today, Mike’s life is filled with hope. His relationship with his sons is getting “stronger and stronger,” he says. “I'm definitely in a better place now. God is my driving force. He's the one that keeps me going every day.”